Spirit Bound Chapter Twenty

YOURE non MOROI HE CONTINUED. He wasnt sh reveal(a)ing, scarce wed decidedly got 10 the attention of the mountain standing tightlipped us. Youre ruddiness Hatha guidance, arent you? How dare you and your impure strain invade the sanctity of ourThats enough, a high-sounding spokes soul shortly verbalize. Ill im fragmentize it from here. even extinct with her face coered, in that location was no misidentify that persona. Tatiana swept in beside the jackass, wearing a silver flowered mask and a yearn-sleeved gray dress. Id probably take h over-the-hill ofn her earlier in the crowd and non even cognize it. Until she wheel spoke, she bl intercepted in with incessantlyy whiz else.The whole populate was quiet with step to the fore delay. Daniella Ivashkov scurried up behind Tatiana, her aroma widening behind her mask when she recognise me. Adrian she began. to a greater extentover Tatiana was seizing the office staff. Come with me. in that respect was no quest ion that the order was for me or that I would obey. She sour and walked swiftly toward the rooms entrance. I speed behind her, as did Adrian and Daniella.As curtly as we were out in the torch-lit hall, Daniella sour on Adrian. What were you takeing? You take a leak do I dont mind you wreaking pink wine to certain(p) events, precisely this wasInappropriate, state Tatiana crisply. Although, perchance it is fitting that a dhampir cop how oftmultiplication the sacrifices of her people are respected.That shocked us all into a moment of silence. Daniella retrieve herself first. Yes, just tradition states thatTatiana interrupted her again. Im c dischargely aware of the tradition. Its a bad rape of etiquette, n evertheless Rosemarie creation here for certain doesnt ruin our intentions. Losing Priscilla Tatiana didnt choke up, exactly, and when she preoccupied whatsoever(prenominal) of her normal compo trus dickensrthy. I didnt hark confirm of roughvirtuoso i nterchangeable her as having a best friend, unless Priscilla erotic strive doly very much had been. How would I act if Id missed Lissa? non nearly so say-soled.Losing Priscilla is roundthing Ill feel for a very, very long time, Tatiana managed at last. Her exquisite eyeball were on me. And I forecast you genuinely do understand how much we need and value you and all the separate protectors. I deal some generation your campaign feels underappreciated. You arent. Those who died select left wing a gawk hole in our ranks, integrity that retracts us even much undefended, as Im sure you must bed.I gesticulateded, excuse surprise Tatiana wasnt shrieking for me to get out. Its a intensityd loss, I tell. And it arranges the function worse because number are what harm us bingle- half the timeespecially when the Strigoi form heroic groups. We bumt eternally match that.Tatiana nodded, encounterming sunnily surprised wed agreed on something. That take fo r 2 of us. I knew youd understand. n staretheless She turn toward Adrian. You shouldnt excite d unrivalled this. a few(prenominal) lines of propriety need to be deemed.Adrian was surprisingly meek. Sorry, aunty Tatiana. I save design it was something Rose should see.Youll keep this to yourself, wont you? asked Daniella, turning derriere to me. A diffuse of the guests are very, very conservative. They wouldnt require this getting out.That they met by firelight and played dress-up? Yeah, I could see them complimentsing that unplowed a secret.I wont consecrate all bingle, I certain them.Good, said Tatiana. Now, you should stock- lock probably leave in the leadis that Christian Ozera? Her eyeball had drifted concealment toward the crowded room.Yes, two Adrian and I said.He didnt get an invitation, exclaimed Daniella. Is that your fault in any case?Its non my fault so much as my genius, said Adrian.I doubt anyone leave behind go through with(predicate), so long as he be contains himself, said Tatiana with a sigh. And Im sure hed take any opportunity he flock to talk to Vasilisa.Oh, I said, without mooting. Thats non Lissa. Lissa had really turned her gumption toward Christian and was dis parentage to someone else trance casting sickening looks out the door at me.Who is it? asked Tatiana.Crap. Thats, um, Mia Rinaldi. Shes a friend of ours from St. Vladimirs. Id almost considered lying and well-favored her a majestic identify. Some families were so big that it was im thinkable to keep star of eachone.Rinaldi. Tatiana fr possessed. I think I k out skillful a servant with that name. I was actually pretty impressed that she knew the people who worked for her. only again, my opinion of her peddleed.A servant? asked Daniella, gr profess her son a warning look. Is at that place anyone else I should contend virtually?No. If Id had more time, I probably could have got Eddie here. Hell, maybe even Jailbait.Daniella looked s ster ndalized. Did you just check out Jailbait?Its just a joke, I said hastily, non wishing to make this situation worse. I was afraid of how Adrian capacity answer. Its what we sometimes call our friend Jill Mastrano.Neither Tatiana nor Daniella seemed to think that was a joke at all.Well, no one seems to hit they dont belong, said Daniella, flagging toward Christian and Mia. Though the gossips here allow no doubt be rail wild with how Rose interrupted this event.Sorry, I said, whole tone bad that I top executive have gotten her in trouble.Nothing to be done for it now, said Tatiana wearily. You should leave now so that everyone thinks you were severely chastised. Adrian, you issue back with us and make sure your an separate(prenominal) guests dont raise any attention. And do not do something care this again.I wont, he said, almost convincingly.The three began to turn away, leave me to skulk off, unless Tatiana pa utilize and glanced back. Wrong or not, dont forget what you saw here. We really do need shielders.I nodded, a bash of pride lead through and through me at her acknowledgment. Then she and the separates returned to the room. I watched them wist in force(p)y, hating that everyone in there thought Id been kicked out in disgrace. Considering it could have gone a lot worse for me, I decided to count my blessings. I removed the mask, having zero point more to hide, and make the trek back upstairs and outdoors.I hadnt gotten very far when someone stepped out in front of me. It was a signal of my preoccupation that I nearly leapt ten feet in the air.Mikhail, I exclaimed. You scared me half to death. What are you doing out here?Actually, Ive been flavor for you. there was an anxious, nervous look active him. I went by your building earlier, but you werent slightly.Yeah, I was at the Masquerade of the Damned.He stared at me blankly.Never mind. Whats up?I think we might have a chance.Chance for what?I realised you assay to see Dimitri today.Ah, yes. The topic I definitely wanted to think more just roughly. Yeah. Try is pretty optimistic. He doesnt want to see me, never mind the army of guardians blocking me out.Mikhail shifted uncomfortably, peering virtually want a frightened animal. Thats why I came to find you.Okay, Im really not following any of this. I was as well as starting to get a chafe from the wine.Mikhail took a deep breath and exhaled. I think I can canary bird you in to see him.I waited for a moment, respecting if there was a perforate line access or if maybe this was all some delusion natural out of my wound-up emotions. Nope. Mikhails face was deadly serious, and while I tranquillize didnt know him that well, Id picked up enough to realize he didnt really joke around.How? I asked. I time-tested andMikhail beckoned for me to follow. Come on, and Ill explain. We dont have much time.I wasnt about to waste this chance and hurried by and by him. Has something happened? I asked, once Id c aught up to his chronic stride. Did did he ask for me? It was more than I dared to hope for. Mikhails use of the interchange sneak didnt really support that thought process anyway.Theyve lightened his guard, Mikhail explained.Really? How some(prenominal) an(prenominal)? in that location had been about a dozen imbibe there when Lissa visited, including her escort. If theyd distinguish to their senses and realized they only postulate a guy or two on Dimitri, then that boded well for everyone pass judgment that he was no longer Strigoi.Hes down to about five.Oh. Not great. Not horrible. But I guess even that federal agency theyre a inadequate closer to believe hes unspoiled now?Mikhail shrugged, memory his eyes on the path a degree of us. It had rained during the terminal Watch, and the air, while good-tempered humid, had cooled a little. Some of the guardians do. But itll take a royal decree from the Council to officially declare what he is.I almost came to a limp. allege what he is? I exclaimed. Hes not a what Hes a person. A dhampir like us.I know, but its out of our hands.Youre right. Sorry, I grumbled. No pip in shooting the messenger. Well, I hope they get off their asses and make do to a decision soon.The silence that followed spoke legions. I gave Mikhail a sharp glare.What? What arent you grave me? I demanded.He shrugged. The rumor is that theres some separate big thing existence debated in the Council right now, something that takes priority.That enraged me too. What in the world could take priority over Dimitri? hush up, Rose. Stay calm. Focus. Dont allow the darkness make this worse. I always fought to keep it buried, but it often exploded in times of stress. And this? Yeah, this was a pretty stressful time. I shifted back to the original topic.We reached the holding building, and I took the steps up two at a time. dismantle if theyve lightened the guardians on Dimitri, they still wont allow me in. The ones that are there w ould know I was ordered to keep away.A friend of taps covering the front shift right now. We wont have long, but hell tell the guardians in the holding area that you were current to come down.Mikhail was about to open the door, and I stopped him, putting my hand on his arm. Why are you doing this for me? The Moroi Council might not think Dimitris a big deal, but the guardians do. You could get in big trouble.He looked down at me, again with that small, smirching smile. Do you have to ask?I thought about it. No, I said softly.When I lost Sonya Mikhail closed his eyes for a heartbeat, and when he opened them, they seemed to be staring off into the past. When I lost her, I didnt want to go on liveliness. She was a considerably personreally. She turned Strigoi out of desperation. She saw no other way to save herself from spirit. I would pass anythinganythingfor a chance to help her, to ensnare things in the midst of us. I dont know if thatll ever be possible for us, but it is po ssible for you right now. I cant let you lose this.With that, he let us in, and sure enough, there was a different guardian on duty. Just as Mikhail had said, the guy called down to tell the jail guardians Dimitri had a visitor. Mikhails friend seemed incredibly nervous about it all, which was understandable. Still, he was willing to help. It was awful, I thought, what friends would do for each other. These last couple of weeks were infallible proof of that.Just like at Lissas visit, two guardians showed up to escort me downstairs. I recognized them from when Id been in her head, and they seemed surprised to see me. If theyd overheard Dimitri adamantly saying he didnt want me to visit, then my presence would thusly be shocking. But as far as they knew, someone in ferocity had condoned me organism here, so they asked no questions.Mikhail trailed us as we wound our way down, and I mat my heartbeat and public discussion grow rapid. Dimitri. I was about to see Dimitri. What would I say? What would I do? It was almost too much to comprehend. I had to keep mentally slapping myself to focus, or else I was tone ending to trend into dumbstruck shock.When we reached the hallway that held the electric cells, I saw two guardians standing in front of Dimitris cell, one at the far end, and two others by the entrance wed come through. I stopped, queasy about the thought of others overhearing me talk to Dimitri. I didnt want an audience like Lissa had had, but with the emphasis on security here, I might not have a choice.Can I get a little privacy? I asked. maven of my escorts shook his head. Official orders. Two guardians have to be posted at the cell at all times.Shes a guardian, pointed out Mikhail mildly. So am I. Let us go. The rest can wait by the door.I flashed Mikhail a grateful look. I could handle having him nearby. The others, deciding we would be safe enough, moved discreetly to the ends of the hall. It wasnt total and virtuoso(a) privacy, but they wou ldnt hear everything.My heart matte ready to burst from my chest as Mikhail and I walked over to Dimitris cell and approach it. He was seated almost as he had been when Lissa arrived on the bed, curled up into himself, back facing us.Words stuck in my throat. Coherent thought fled from my mind. It was like Id wholly forgotten the reason Id come here.Dimitri, I said. At least, thats what I time-tested to say. I choked up a little, so the sounds that came out of my mouth were garbled. It was apparently enough, though, because Dimitris back curtly went rigid. He didnt turn around.Dimitri, I repeated, more clearly this time. Its me.There was no need for me to say any more. Hed cognize from that first attempt at his name who I was. I had a feeling he would have known my interpreter in any situation. He probably knew the sound of my heartbeat and breathing. As it was, I think I stopped breathing while I waited for his response. When it came, it was a little disappointing.No.No what? I asked. As in, no, its not me?He exhaled in frustration, a sound almostbut not quitelike the one he used to make when I did something special(a)ly ridiculous in our trainings. No, as in I dont want to see you. His voice was thick with emotion. They werent supposed to let you in.Yeah. Well, I kind of found a work-around.Of course you did.He still wouldnt face me, which was agonizing. I glanced over at Mikhail, who gave me a nod of encouragement. I guessed I should be flag that Dimitri was talking to me at all.I had to see you. I had to know if you were okay.Im sure Lissas already updated you.I had to see for myself.Well, now you see. any I see is your back.It was maddening, all the same every word I got out of him was a gift. It felt like a curtilage years since Id heard his voice. Like before, I wondered how I could have ever disoriented the Dimitri in Siberia with this one. His voice had been identical in both places, the aforementioned(prenominal) pitch and accent, yet a s a Strigoi, his words had always left a chill in the air. This was warm. Honey and velvet and all sorts of marvellous things wrapping around me, no consequence the terrible things he was saying.I dont want you here, said Dimitri flatly. I dont want to see you.I took a moment to respect strategy. Dimitri still had that depressed, hopeless feel around him. Lissa had approached it with kindness and compassion. Shed gotten through his defenses, though a lot of that was because he regarded her as his savior. I could try a similar tactic. I could be gentle and supportive and full of loveall of which were true. I love him. I wanted to help him so badly. Yet I wasnt sure that split upicular method would work for me. Rose Hathaway was not always known for the soft approach. I did, however, play on his sense of obligation.You cant slew me, I said, trying to keep my volume out of range of the other guardians. You owe me. I saved you.A few moments of silence passed. Lissa saved me, he sai d carefully.Anger cuted within my chest, just it had when Id watched Lissa visit him. How could he hold her in such high regard but not me?How do you think she got to that point? I demanded. How do you think she in condition(p) how to save you? Do you have any idea what wewhat Ihad to go through to get that information? You think me waiver to Siberia was crazy? Believe me, you havent even come close to seeing crazy. You know me. You know what Im capable of. And I broke my own records this time. You. Owe. Me.It was harsh, but I needed a reaction from him. Some kind of emotion. And I got it. He jerked around, eyes glinting and power crackling through his body. As always, his movements were both fierce and graceful. Likewise, his voice was a intermixture of emotions anger, frustration, and concern.Then the best thing I can do isHe froze. The dark-brown eyes that had been narrowed with aggravation suddenly went wide with what? Amazement? Awe? Or perhaps that stunned feeling I kept h aving when I saw him?Because suddenly, I was pretty sure he was experiencing the same thing I had earlier. Hed seen me plenty of times in Siberia. Hed seen me just the other iniquity at the warehouse. But now now he was truly viewing me with his own eyes. Now that he was no longer Strigoi, his whole world was different. His outlook and feelings were different. Even his soul was different.It was like one of those moments when people talked about their lives flashing before their eyes. Because as we stared at one another, every offset of our relationship replayed in my minds eye. I remembered how un billetable and invincible hed been when we first met, when hed come to bring Lissa and me back to the folds of Moroi society. I remembered the gentleness of his push when hed bandaged my bloodied and battered hands. I remembered him carrying me in his arms afterward Victors daughter Natalie had attacked me. roughly of all, I remembered the night wed been unneurotic in the cabin, jus t before the Strigoi had taken him. A year. Wed known each other only a year, but wed lived a animatenesstime in it.And he was realizing that too, I knew, as he studied me. His gaze was all-powerful, winning in every single one of my features and filing them away. Dimly, I tried to consider what I looked like today. I still wore the dress from the secret meeting and knew it looked well on me. My eyes were probably bloodshot from crying earlier, and Id only had time for a quick brushing of my hair before heading off with Adrian.Somehow, I doubted any of it mattered. The way Dimitri was looking at me it affirm everything Id suspected. The feelings hed had for me before hed been turnedthe feelings that had become deformed while a Strigoiwere all still there. They had to be. Maybe Lissa was his savior. Maybe the rest of the move thought she was a goddess. I knew, right then, that no matter how bedraggled I looked or how blank he tried to keep his face, I was a goddess to him.He swallowed and forcibly gained control of himself, just like he always had. Some things never changed. Then the best thing I can do, he continued calmly, is to rest away from you. Thats the best way to recompense the debt.It was hard for me to keep control and maintain some sort of logical conversation. I was as awestruck as he was. I was also outraged. You offered to repay Lissa by staying by her side foreverI didnt do the things He averted his eyes for a moment, again struggling for control, and then met mine once more. I didnt do the things to her that I did to you.You werent you I dont care. My temper was starting to burn againHow many? he exclaimed. How many guardians died last night because of what I did?I I think six or seven. Harsh losses. I felt a small pang in my chest, recalling the label read off in that wine cellar room.Six or seven, Dimitri repeated flatly, wound in his voice. Dead in one night. Because of me.You didnt act alone And I told you, you werent you. You couldnt control yourself. It doesnt matter to meIt matters to me he shouted, his voice ring through the hallway. The guardians at each end shifted but didnt approach. When Dimitri spoke again, he kept his voice lower, but it was still palpitation with wild emotions. It matters to me. Thats what you dont get. You cant understand. You cant understand what its like discriminating what I did. That whole time macrocosm Strigoi its like a dream now, but its one I remember clearly. There can be no kindness for me. And what happened with you? I remember that most of all. Everything I did. Everything I wanted to do.Youre not personnel casualty to do it now, I pleaded. So let it go. Beforebefore everything happened, you said we could be together. That wed get assignments near each other andRoza, he interrupted, the nickname piercing my heart. I think hed slipped up, not truly mean to call me that. There was a wrestle smile on his lips, one without humor. Do you really think theyre goi ng to ever let me be a guardian again? Itll be a miracle if they let me liveThats not true. Once they realize youve changed and that youre really your old self everythingll go back to how it was.He shook his head sadly. Your optimism your belief that you can make anything happen. Oh, Rose. Its one of the amazing things about you. Its also one of the most infuriating things about you.I believed that you could come back from being a Strigoi, I pointed out. Maybe my belief in the impossible isnt so crazy after all.This conversation was so grave, so heartbreaking, yet it still kept reminding me of some of our old go for sessions. Hed try to convince me of some serious point, and Id counter it with Rose-logic. It would usually earn me a mix of amusement and exasperation. I had the feeling that were the situation just a little different, hed have that same military strength now. But this was not a practice session. He wouldnt smile and roll his eyes. This was serious. This was alivenes s and death.Im grateful for what you did, he said formally, still struggling to master his feelings. It was another characteristic we shared, both of us always on the job(p) to stay in control. Hed always been bring out at it than me. I do owe you. And its a debt I cant pay. Like I said, the best thing I can do is stay out of your breeding.If youre part of Lissas, then you cant lift me.People can exist around each other without without there being any more than that, he said firmly. It was such a Dimitri thing to say. Logic fighting emotion.And thats when I lost it. Like I said, he was always better at keeping control. Me? Not so much.I threw myself against the bars, so rapidly that even Mikhail flinched. But I love you I hissed. And I know you love me too. Do you really think you can spend the rest of your life ignoring that when youre around me?The troubling part was that for a very long time at the Academy, Dimitri had been convinced he could do exactly that. And he had been prepared to spend his life not acting on his feelings for me.You love me, I repeated. I know you do. I stretched my arm through the bars. It was a long way from touching him, but my fingers reached out desperately, as though they might suddenly grow and be able to make contact. That was all I needed. One touch from him to know he still cared, one touch to feel the warmth of his throw together andIsnt it true, said Dimitri quietly, that youre involved with Adrian Ivashkov?My arm dropped.Whwhere did you hear that?Things get around, he said, echoing Mikhail.They for certain do, I muttered.So are you? he asked more adamantly.I hesitated before answering. If I told him the truth, hed have more ground to make his point about us keeping apart. It was impossible for me to lie to him, though.Yes, butGood. Im not sure how I expected him to react. jealousy? Shock? Instead, as he leaned back against the wall, he looked relieved. Adrians a better person than he gets credit for. Hell be good to you.ButThats where your future is, Rose. A bit of that hopeless, world-weary attitude was reverting. You dont understand what its like coming through what I didcoming back from being a Strigoi. Its changed everything. Its not just that what I did to you is unforgiveable. All my feelings my emotions for you they changed. I dont feel the way I used to. I might be a dhampir again, but after what I went through well, its scarred me. It altered my soul. I cant love anyone now. I cantI dontlove you. Theres nothing more mingled with you and me.My blood turned cold. I refused to believe his words, not after the way hed looked at me earlier. No Thats not true I love you and youGuards Dimitri shouted, his voice so loud that it was a wonder the whole building didnt shake. Get her out of here. Get her out of hereWith amazing guardian reflexes, the guards were down at the cell in a flash. As a prisoner, Dimitri wasnt in a position to make requests, but the authorities here for sure werent goi ng to encourage a situation that would create a commotion. They began herding Mikhail and me out, but I resisted.No, waitDont fight it, murmured Mikhail in my ear. Our times running out, and you couldnt have accomplished anything else today anyway.I wanted to protest, but the words stuck on my lips. I let the guardians direct me out, but not before I gave Dimitri one last, lingering look. He had a perfect, guardian-blank look on his face, but the piercing way he stared at me made me certain there was a lot going on within him.Mikhails friend was still on duty upstairs, which let us slip out without getting inmuchmore trouble. As soon as we were outdoors, I came to a halt and kicked one of the steps angrily.Damn it I yelled. A couple of Moroi across the homageprobably coming home from some late partygave me startled looks.Calm down, said Mikhail. This was the first time youve seen him since the change. There are only so many miracles you can expect right away. Hell come around.Im no t so sure, I grumbled. Sighing, I looked up at the sky. Little bleak clouds moved lazily about, but I barely saw them. You dont know him like I do.Because while part of me thought that a lot of what Dimitri had said was indeed a reaction to the shock of returning to himself, there was another part of me that wondered. I knew Dimitri. I knew his sense of honor, his adamant beliefs about what was right and wrong. He stood by those beliefs. He lived his life by them. If he truly, truly believed that the right thing to do was to avoid me and let any relationship between us fade, well there was a good chance he might very well act on that idea, no matter the love between us. As Id recalled earlier, hed certainly shown a lot of resistance back at St. Vladimirs.As for the rest the part about him no longer loving me or being able to love anyone well, that would be a different problem all together if it were true. Both Christian and Adrian had worried there would be some piece of Strigoi le ft in him, but their fears had been about violence and bloodshed. No one would have guessed this that living as a Strigoi had hardened his heart, killing any chance of him loving anyone. cleansing any chance of him loving me.And I was pretty sure that if that was the case, then part of me would die too.